We know that most of you ladies and gents follow us or check us out for the advice on a healthy body and mind as well as relationships. This week I wanted to focus on male confidence, specifically when it comes to showing off your body. Recently I was looking into some articles that wrote about males confidence with their bodies. This particular article found here talks about how this person’s boyfriend had issues with his body which led to the end of their relationship.
Now I wanted to talk about this from a guys perspective first to establish some points and issues to help understand the problem. First of all, women are not the only ones who are being bombarded to that perfect image. Men too face the issues of having the perfect toned body which creates an Adonis Complex. Other than the traditional media and advertisements, there’s the UFC movement, comparing to other guys or girls talking about their favorite attractive males which for the most part are very toned and good looking. We worry too much about not having those toned abs, defined pecks or carved pelvic lines. It makes us unhappy and we put ourselves down and it directly affects our self-esteem. From there it only negatively affects the social life and relationships a guy can have. On top of that you could also potentially harm yourself from over exercising and adding steroids to your routine.
What guys don’t realize or just overlook is that girls aren’t as superficial or judgmental when it comes to your bodies as you think, only you are your own worst critic. All they want is a good guy who will love them for who they are. Being active and taking care of your body is just a plus. What it all comes down to is the confidence to be comfortable in your own skin. Once you master that, life will be a lot more comfortable and simple.
A personal example: I knew a girl who I thought wasn’t in my league. For a while I was self-conscious about my body so I didn’t really ask her out or talk to her because I thought I wasn’t enough. One day I convinced myself to ask her out and gave myself a shot of confidence to boost. I was surprised that she said yes. On the way to the date I kept pondering why she agreed to go out with a guy like me so after the date I struck up a conversation where I can slip that question in. She told me that “it wasn’t all about looks as long as he has a good personality and is comfortable with himself”. What I took from that and am sharing with you is that even when I doubted myself, in the end it all came down to self-confidence.
Dave & Jess
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My question is, is he flirting or being nice? He rips up paper and drops it on my desk and he says “STELLAAAAAAAAAA!” whenever someone says my name.
Dave: I’m sorry, what? Nowhere in my flirting with girls handbook says that ripping paper on your desk is a “move”. Same goes for the name thing he does. I’m dumbfounded with how guys do it these days. I guess for his age that seems like flirting? I mean it’s certainly a strange way to get your attention. As for how to flirt back just smile, laugh, keep eye contact for 2-3 seconds and give him hugs every so often or just randomly. Then after like a week or so just tell him you like him. That way you don’t need to fool around trying to figure out if he likes you or not. Plus you can save some trees in the process.
Hope this helped and we look forward to hearing from you. We wish you all the best and good luck with everything.
Dave & Jess XX
DON’T TELL HER! How would you feel if the person you believed was your mother is actually a fake? You’ve known her for two years, she has known her “mother” all of her life. She isn’t going to be like: “oh thanks for telling me” and have everything back to normal. Her life will be flipped upside down. Get rid of that urge to tell her and actually keep a secret. We all have the urge to talk to someone about some interesting gossip or what not, it doesn’t mean we have the right to tell them. End of story.
Dave & Jess XX
Your friend is being an ass. Everyone has that day where they are late. It’s not like you can control traffic or other circumstances. No plan is ever 100% how it’s planned. Shit happens right?
That being said, it doesn’t give you a right to be mad at him/her. Be the better person and just ignore that anger. Have a chat why he/she were mad and see what happens from there. If they’re still being childish about it, just give them a week off or so. That way they can cool down and realize that it’s no big deal then what they make it out to be.
Hope this helped and we look forward to hearing from you again. We wish you all the best and good luck with everything.
Jess & Dave
It’s a common fact that the average person will fall in love at least 5 times before they find the one they marry. You know what you want to do, you just don’t to do it. As the ones giving the advice, we think that you should let him go. Have a talk about how you feel and that it’s not going to work because of how you feel. I know that you think he is the most amazing guy ever but trust us, you’ll say that with every boyfriend you’ll ever have. Plus at your age, you still have high school to finish and post secondary too. There’s going to be tons of guys there for you to meet and have relationships with. Same goes with your boyfriend, even though it might take him a bit to recover from the hypothetical break up. It’s not like good guys come ever one time per millennium. People always think it’s so hard to find Mr./Mrs. Wonderful, all you have to do is give people the chance to be.
To wrap this up, basically have a talk with him and let him know what you think about this so far. If you stay with him then that’s good, just make sure that your happy and not with him just to make him happy. If you break up then I’m sure there’s someone out there waiting for you, just have to make sure you have your eyes open.
Hope this helped in your situation and feel free to write back to us as to how things went. We wish you all the best and good luck with your future relationships.
Dave & Jess XX
We can’t answer this privately because it doesn’t know who to sent it to. It only does [Answer privately] when you do it through your account. Don’t worry, this is anon and no one will know.
I think that the only way to get over this is to just not to worry. When your in bed, relax and let it all go. When you think too much your brain gets more active and making it harder to fall asleep. So don’t think about it. I’m assuming that this sleepover is at a friends house? I’m sure its safe there so there’s nothing to worry about. Sooner or later you’ll have to move out because of school or personal reasons and you’ll have to sleep without your parents. Better to get over this now then later. If what we’ve said hasn’t helped so far, we think you should talk to your parents about it so that it’s comfortable for you and maybe they’ll have some insight too.
Hope this helped and feel free to write back to us concerning how it went. We wish you all the best and good luck with that sleepover. Remember, just try not to think about it.
Jess & Dave XX
Jess and I both agreed to one thing only when it came to discussing your situation. It was that it’s never ever a good idea to fall for a best friends brother/sister. It just creates problems in the present and the future. Here are our point of views:
Jess: You need to make your best friend understand that she’s embarking on your happiness and what best-friend does that? Or try to put herself in her best-friend’s shoes. That way you can understand how she feels.
Dave: Can I be blunt with you? Your skewed either way. Here is why.
That is our point of views on your situation. Hopefully you can resolve it without losing any friends. Feel free to write back to us on how things went. We wish you all the best and good luck with your situation.
Dave & Jess XX
That’s a good question. We both don’t have PhD’s in Psychology but here is some insight on the situation. The reason you can’t stop thinking about it is because your jealous that other guys had sex with your girlfriend before you have. Subconsciously you might think to yourself: “have they done it better then I will?”. Most of the time people are jealous in the others past history because they compare themselves to the past ex’s. No one wants to be the one who didn’t do this or that as good as so-and-so.
The best thing that we can come up with to solve this situation is to honestly accept the fact that there were guys before her and if you don’t get over this, then more guys after. It may sound like a “past is the past” kind of answer but what can you do. If people keep telling you things like this then maybe they have a point. This may be a little blunt but here it goes, the honest answer: Man the F*uck up or break up with her.
Dave: I know how it is to have thoughts like this. When I was in this situation I came to the same conclusion. I had to either suck it up or end things. I tried to man it up and forget but over time that just didn’t work. Relationships are supposed to fun and make you happy. If you aren’t happy then you have to have a talk. Explain to her that you can’t stop thinking about it and maybe she will make you more comfortable after talking about it. Maybe, just maybe, sleep with her now and then see how you feel. It might just be the pre-sex mental build up you have going through your mind. If after that you still can’t stop thinking about her past, then it’s time to become hers. Move on and find someone who doesn’t have a past.
Hope this helps and feel free to write back to us as to how things went. We wish you all the best and good luck with your relationship.
Dave & Jess XX
He is changed and now that he can get you he’s playing with your feelings. He’s telling you he wants to be with you yet he gets back with his ex? That should be enough of a clue that he’s just playing with you. I think you should stop yourself right there and stop trying to get him and find someone worth your time who deserves you and will keep you happy.
Jess: The same thing happened to my friend. Except in this case my friend was the ex. Her boyfriend was cheating on my friend with his ex the whole time and was telling his ex the same things this boy is telling you now. My friend’s boyfriend ended up choosing my friend because he was in love with her. If I was in her position I would have left him. He did this for a year. Who cheats on someone they love for a year?
Don’t do this to your self. he’s only taking advantage of you.
We hope this helped. If you have any more questions do come back. Tell us how everything goes.
Dave and Jess. XX